"Mile High" Don'ts & Do's

cockpitWith the coming of summer, The Kissing Expert has been pondering the mischievous fun of PDA that tends to turn virally rampant with longer days and warmer nights.  In our ascent to the solstice, we start feeling as frisky as fireflies as we shed our clothes with our winter skin.  And top of TKE’s PDA FAQs has to do with “airline activities”, so the news of a 20-something caught in the can @ 30K made for a timely prompt– http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2620368/British-girl-20s-caught-having-sex-Virgin-aeroplane-toilets-male-passenger-just-met.html

TKE has admittedly thought “The Mile High Club” was a bit overrated (really only when it comes to commercial, though!).  While illicit interludes in tight, public places can be totally titillating, engaging in a flying public port-o-potty does not rank high for TKE, let’s say, above a checkered table cloth spread aloft a soft grassy knoll under the welcoming shade of a bending willow tree.

But if it’s coo-coo-ka-choo among the clouds while off on summer holiday is a “must do”, here are some tips from TKE that might have served this Virgin Atlantic passenger as she made her way across the pond on a commercial flight:

  • Don’t go Mile High on day flights – With people wide-awake, slipping away as a pair is virtually impossible.  Even if you let your “Miler” take a 1 minute lead, there could now be people waiting outside the agreed upon door, making it a wee awkward to break the queue.  Then there’s the exiting – do you really think passengers will believe you were in there helping someone with something other than a little sum-sum?
  • Don’t go Mile High on day flights when traveling with your parents – If you are on a family holiday, you need to be on your best behavior, even if you are of the age of consent.  You are not only on a trip with your parents (who still might see you as their “little one”), they’re likely and graciously picking up this vacation tab in some or total.  You are their guest, which calls for your best behavior.  To “miler” under their noses is a violent poke to their eyes.parents
  • Don’t go Mile High on day flights, and make loud noises – If you are bold enough to slip away in broad daylight, do your best to contain your “ooo la las”.  The lady in the shampoo commercial who moans and groans while miraculously washing her hair in the tiny sink is make believe…The airplane toilet is not sound proof, so try to contain your lust-filled abandonment as best you can.
  • Don’t go Mile High on day flights, and then fight with the flight attendants – If you get caught with someone’s hand in your “cookie jar”, don’t posture.  You took a chance, so just hold your head high on the “walk of shame” back to your seat…And while it might be hard to contain your post “Miler” endorphin giddiness, a slight degree of remorse might be called for (especially in front of your mum and dad). caught

If commercial Mile High is on your bucket list, then TKE has some suggested Dos:

  • Do go Mile High on “Red Eyes” – The dark, quiet of the overnight flight can provide the perfect opportunity.  Wait until the cabin lights have been turned off, and the clamor of the drink and meal carts has turned into that humming hushed silence.  With people slumbering, it’s not as likely they will see you enter or exit the “sex box”.  And the chance of there being a line when you exit is minimal.
  • Do go Mile High on “Red Eyes” on jumbo jets – A large airplane is the preferable model to get funky.  They tend to have plenty of nooks front, middle and back to cranny into.  TKE recommends going aft after dark.  While some might be tempted to go Mile High in their seats, that can be a “00” license to get caught…Use the “sex box”.
  • Do go Mile High on “Red Eyes”, and follow this helpful safety chart for suggested positions:
  • Do go Mile High on “Red Eyes”, and use sanitizer – With all this talk of sex in the sky, be mindful that you are floating in a cesspool of germs.  From the stale cabin air to the rampant bacteria in the loo, you don’t want to catch anything up your kazoo.  Bring hand sanitizer or wipes, and use them liberally, before and after!!!

Now, if you are flying private, then the friendly skies are all yours to do as you wish, where you wish, and how you wish.  Regardless of your super sonic transport, if you become a Miler, cut out this badge, and wear it with pride!







Happy Mile High Club Kissing!